Literary Wives is an on-line book group that examines the meaning and role of wife in different books. Every other month, we post and discuss a book with this question in mind: What does this book say about wives or about the experience of being a wife?
- Kate of booksaremyfavouriteandbest
- Naomi of Consumed by Ink
- Rebecca of Bookish Beck
- Kay of What Me Read
My first observation of about the The Soul of Kindness is that Taylor did an excellent job of writing about every day life while still having a go at the characters and the society in which they live. The Soul of Kindness seems very polite and straightforward. There is a lot of polite conversation, pouring of tea, living a very English life from times gone by. At times, I admit, I found this a little slow. But this book is also a very sharp look at marriage and about the roles women get pushed into, especially wives.
What does The Soul of Kindness say about wives or the experience of being a wife?
There are probably a lot of different ways to think about wives in The Soul of Kindness, but I am going to tackle it by thinking about two of the characters, Flora and Barbara. Both say something quite different about what marriage can do to people and if I am honest it was Barbara's relationship with Percy that I found most interesting and modern.
Understanding Flora
Flora is the centre of the book, or at least it starts that way until the cast of characters and their stories start to grow around her. She is beautiful and adored. Everyone talks about her as if she is pure goodness and she (narcissistically) even believes this about herself. But her version of kindness comes from never thinking too hard about anyone else’s perspective. She drifts along through life, assuming that people welcome her and that everyone will fall into line with how she sees things and what she watns. She is completely incapable of putting herself in the shoes of others or seeing things from a different perspective to her own. There is Flora and Flora alone in her world.
That's how she causes harm that complete blankness to another person's perspective and experience. Flora genuinely thinks she is helping when she steers people into choices they do not want. She encourages a friend's borther Kit to pursue acting even though he is not suited to it. She pushes her husband's father and his long-term lover Barbara into marriage because she cannot imagine a long term relationship that doesn’t follow her blueprint. She is the sort of wife who looks perfect from the outside but who causes strain and stress whenever she is in the room.
The message around Flora seems to be that being a good wife isn't about sweetness or prettiness or the right sort of manners. Flora has these things, but is she a good wife? I think Taylor is trying to say that kindness without any self awareness, or awareness of others, can be incredibly damaging. To be honest, I think calling it kindness is a stretch. It feels more as though Flora does these things because it suits her ego to feel that she is 'helping' others.
Flora’s marriage to Richard feels almost like a performance. He sometimes seems besotted with her but she never really sees him or understands him. The result is a marriage that looks lovely but has very little real connection inside it. Interestingly I see paralells here with the last two books, Novel About My Wife by Emily Perkins and The Constant Wife by W Somerset Maugham. These all have in common marriages where there is a lack of connection.
Barbara as an accidental wife
Then there is Barbara, who quietly provides a completely different picture. Before Flora meddles in their lives, Barbara and Percy are living in a comfortable, slightly unconventional arrangement. They enjoy each other, they spend time together, but they also have their own lives and their own space. It works for them. They allow Flora to pressue them into marriage, and everything shifts for them. What was once easy and light becomes forced and heavy. Without marriage they were free to live their lives in a way that felt more authentic to them. In marrying, they fell into more traditional roles that didn't suit them.
It is such an interesting contrast. With Flora, marriage becomes a stage for her self image and narcissism. She can be admired as a lovely person and wife. With Barbara, marriage becomes a disruption. It pulls apart something that was working and replaces it with a version of togetherness that neither of them actually wanted.
So what does this book say about wives? I think Taylor is saying that the concept of 'wife' can be incredibly limiting if it is defined by other people’s expectations. Flora tries to be the perfect wife but there is no real connection in her marriage and she ends up causing harm through her lack of empahy.
Barbara never set out to be anyone’s idea of a wife at all and ends up struggling once she is forced into that shape. Earlier I referred to this as modern. What I mean to suggest is that I feel like it's a modern idea that relationships don't need to end in marriage. They can be successful, loving and full of meaningful connection without marriage. Once upon a time marriage was a necessary condition for long-term relationships. Women needed to pass from man to man and fulfill the role that society laid out for them. Perhaps Taylor was starting to wonder how necessary this was anymore.
Conclusion
In the end, the book suggests that marriage only works when people actually connect with each other in a way that is authentic to themselves. Both couples in this novel lose that. Flora cannot see anyone clearly, including herself. Barbara and Percy lose the easy rhythm they once had the moment they try to formalise it.
Did I enjoy the book?
I have to say, though, that while I can see why Elizabeth Taylor’s writing is so admired, I didn’t really connect with this one on a personal level. The writing is clearly skilful but overall I found the book a bit slow. I never quite clicked with the characters, even though I understood what she was doing with them. It’s one of those novels I can appreciate more than enjoy. I’m glad I finally read her, but I probably won’t be rushing out to pick up another any time soon.
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